Memory Card: E2 - P86 Truthless Heroes

I had no idea Project 86 was going to be as important to me as they became.

For my 15th birthday I’d been given a copy of Drawing Black Lines and, after a lot of back and forth about it being ‘that head banging music’ that nothing good comes from, my parents didn’t forbid me to listen to it. It was an audible fist in the air that gave a kid enough to chew on to that he stayed curious and hopeful and had enough affirmation to feel like I would certainly make it through these stupid, awkward teenage years.

And then Truthless Heroes came along.

The album didn’t get much publicity and what little I found on it either covered the bands jump to a major label or wanted to draw attention to those other label mates coming up at the same time from the same place.

The Christian outlets I found that did cover the album were lackluster in their reviews – in the era of P.O.D. most of them panned it for not having a clear message. Some even speculated that the band, in their chase for major label fame, had turned their backs on their faith to get there.

This was 2000ish so the internet was definitely a thing but we were still using it for message boards, browser games, chain emails and outrage forwards instead of reaching out to artists for interview purposes. It was a strange time.

But I was around 16 so I didn’t have nearly the same hangup as these critics. The album still resonated with me. That familiar discord was there. The sound and pointed lyrics, despite the ambiguous messaging, made it easy for me to get into despite anything I was told.

But that nagging voice in my head left me wondering what I’m hearing that other people weren’t or what were they hearing that I wasn't?

If the record was that bad it’d be obvious, right?

Or was it BAD bad? Like, Manson-post-Columbine bad. Like 666 bad.

Drawing Black lines wasn't a ray of sunshine, mind you. DBL managed to make you want to openly revolt of the things tearing us apart.

I didn't find a clear message of positivity in TH but if that was the only obvious negative why was there the speculation on where the band members are with their walk with God? Why did my circles comment about the trend of what major labels do to Christian bands?

The question for me became how do you determine the moral stance of art when the message isn’t as clear as you needed it to be?

I made a crucial error by deciding I was done listening to it. I knew what was there and it wasn't going to change from one listening to another so I saw no need to keep listening for a message I wouldnt find. I would keep listening to the previous album and wait to see what they come out with next.

Years later, when I got to hear about the band’s experience with the record label and the pressure they were under to churn out a hit and then how clumsily things were executed upon release, it all made sense: The vague subject matter, the commercials, wondering if ‘Truthless Heroes’ were supposed to be good guys or not, the strange feeling of being pulled in directions you can’t control.

' What were they hearing that I can’t? ' suddenly meant something different.

I didn't know you have to give some things time and space to breathe. When I stopped trying to make sense of other people's thoughts of the album (And stopped trying to convince myself they should be mine) it hit me. If it was a snake it would have killed me.

What I was listening to was a story. Every song was a chapter. Every ebb and flow was to build a beginning, middle and end.

And the crucial error I mentioned before was truly mine. The album made sense to me because at 16 Truthless Heroes was an audible form of everything I was feeling. I was listening to someone that I didn't know but I absolutely empathized with tell their story and I believed this character was someone who could 100% empathize with me.

I spent a month devouring it all over again from the drum rolls, bass lines and guitar parts to the liner notes to the pauses in the music, commercials and word choices for the lyrics. It became an obsession for me and in no time at all I had new ears with which to listen to the same thing I’d been listening to for a month. I went back with my new ears and listened to a lot of other albums that I was ho-hum about, searching for a new perspective I hadn’t considered. It was hit and miss – more missing than hitting – but now I had tools to search for things that, by design, weren’t so obvious and I was now able to put a finger on things I didn’t like about some music and communicate why.

Even now, years later, I still think about the websites that didn't have many positive things to say about the record because the message wasn’t clear enough. I remember only one of them Who knows if they're even still around.

Drawing Black Lines was something I needed at the time I found it.

Truthless Heroes ultimately changed the way I consume the things I enjoy.

The question for me became how do you determine the moral stance of art when the message isn’t as clear as you needed it to be?

The answer is: You don't.

And that's ok.